


ROSEMARRIED LIFE

by reva_pocalypse



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Fluff, Gardening, Hurt/Comfort, Making Out, Slice of Life, asian rose, davekat as plot device - Freeform, elaborate pranks, lesbotic shrine, mad herb science, multiplanet goth culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22056616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reva_pocalypse/pseuds/reva_pocalypse
Summary: Rose and Kanaya tend to their greenhouse together. That's all that happens in this fic. There definitely aren't any vaguely referenced ominous beings causing mayhem and destruction here. Only good vibes! :)
Relationships: Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	ROSEMARRIED LIFE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bugbee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bugbee/gifts).



Kanaya opens her eyes to the shriek of the alarm clock, sighing as it rattles indignantly on the nightstand. She carefully slips an arm out from beneath her slumbering wife and stretches it toward the alarm, leaning towards it just enough to turn it off without disturbing Rose’s sleep.  
  
KANAYA: Why Must These Confounded Human Alarms Be So Grating And Awful  
KANAYA: I Would Rather Not Wake Up Each Morning With A Pounding Headache Already Worming Its Way Through My Thinkpan  
KANAYA: Honestly Why Did We Ever Let This Come Within A Mile Of Our Suffering Auricular Sponge Clots  
  
Rose stirs, face scrunching up as she lets out a long yawn.  
  
ROSE: What’s going on?  
KANAYA: Oh Dear I Woke You Up  
KANAYA: I Apologize For Venting My Frustrations About This Dreadful Alarm So Loudly  
KANAYA: Really Though It Is Quite Abysmal  
KANAYA: The Sun Has Not Even Risen Yet And Already It Has Decided To Harass Us  
ROSE: I think I remember setting it last night, but...  
ROSE: *yawn* can’t recall why for the life of me.  
  
She sleepily turns to lie on her back, arms crossing behind her head as she settles back into the mattress. She squints at the ceiling fan, groggily searching her recent memory for an explanation. Her lips twist into a thoughtful frown, and her head tilts ever so slightly to the left. Kanaya can’t help but let a small smile slip past her fangs at the familiar sight. Rose’s mannerisms are adorable as always.  
  
This particular expression is very familiar to Kanaya, as Rose is always trying to solve one puzzle or another. In fact, she’d last witnessed Rose’s cute contemplative countenance just last night, when she was planning to…  
  
Kanaya blinks. Slowly, she turns her head back toward the alarm clock.   
  
KANAYA: Fuck  
KANAYA: Today Is The Solstice  
ROSE: Shit!  
  
Rose bolts straight upright, her eyes shooting wide open. She throws herself out of bed, scrambling for the door and hurtling out into the hallway. Kanaya hurries after her, stopping only to fish her warmest gloves out of the glove box and to grab a matching winter coat from the dining room chair.  
The two are outside in twenty seconds flat, and begin speedwalking down the cobbled path leading from their back door. The iridescent glow of Kanaya’s skin reflects off stray patches of ice, and the two hold back their speed just enough to sidestep them. After a harrowing several minutes, they reach their greenhouse doors and wrench them open in tandem, flinging themselves into the airlock.  
  
ROSE: Puff... pufff... whew!  
ROSE: Did we... huff huff...  
KANAYA: Oh Thank Jegus  
KANAYA: We Made It  
  
The little light above the airlock’s exit door is green, indicating that the greenhouse hasn’t been destroyed just yet. Kanaya lets out a long sigh of relief. Rose is leaning against the wall, still recovering from their mad dash.  
  
KANAYA: Excuse Me Rose But I Must Tend To The Plants Immediately  
KANAYA: I Will Return For You Momentarily  
ROSE: Go... huffff... ahead.  
ROSE: Your rainbowdrinker strength never... hoooooo... fails to impress me, darling! puff puff  
  
Kanaya shoots a deadpan Look at Rose, but there’s mirth in her eyes.  
  
KANAYA: Excuse Me If This Is A Stretch  
KANAYA: But I Am Getting The Distinct Feeling That You Are Playing Up Your Exhaustion For Theatrical Effect  
ROSE: I can’t believe this!  
ROSE: You aren’t *wheeze* taking me seriously?  
ROSE: I use... all of my excess energy.... to bestow a gracious compliment on you, my darling wife... huffff  
ROSE: And you doubt... puff... my sincerity?  
  
Rose collapses to the ground, chest heaving. Her voice comes out in a pitiful, trembling whisper.  
  
ROSE: Slander....  
  
Kanaya can’t hold back a chuckle at this. She watches as Rose tries and fails to battle the smile spreading across her face.  
  
KANAYA: I Would Love To Continue This Banter But I Really Must Go Now  
KANAYA: The Place Is Intact Overall But Her Destructive Tendencies Have Likely Caused Smaller Damages  
KANAYA: You Said Yourself That The Solstice Would Cause Her To Act Up Even More Than Usual  
KANAYA: Come Join Me When You Have Finally Recovered  
ROSE: You mean... _if_ I recover... *cough cough*  
KANAYA: Yes Of Course  
  
Shaking her head fondly, Kanaya slips through the airlock door and enters the greenhouse. A quick glance around confirms what the green light had told her: damage had been kept to a minimum, despite her and Rose’s tardiness that morning. She starts her investigation on her right, scanning the flower beds with a critical eye.  
  
KANAYA: The Sweatpeas Look Alright  
KANAYA: As Do The Hydrangeas  
KANAYA: The Foxgloves On The Other Hand  
  
She weaves through the rows of flower beds, eyes fixed on the foxgloves in the back. Overnight, they had transformed into a shade of orange so bright it was hard to look at, from the base of the stem right to the tips of the flower buds. When she arrives at the flowerbed, she realizes that none of the foxgloves’ leaves are still attached to their stems, and stares at the leaf-strewn floor with dismay.  
  
KANAYA: What A Shame That This Bizzare Tragedy Struck Just A Few Days Before The Flowers Were Set To Bloom  
KANAYA: I Suppose It Is A Necessary Price To Pay When Taking Care Of A Poisonous Force Like Her  
KANAYA: If Only I Could Ask Rose To Remind Me Why She Must Take Residence So Near Our Innocent Flowers  
KANAYA: So She Could Quickly Divert The Subject Matter With A Lilting Voice And A Suspicious Twist Of Her Lips  
KANAYA: And So I Could Let Her Know How Terrible Of A Liar She Is  
KANAYA: Alas She Has Surely Perished Back In The Airlock  
  
Kanaya rests her head in her hands, face growing contemplative and wistful. She does this because she knows Rose can see her face from her position crouched behind the hydrangeas.  
  
KANAYA: Now That The Moment Of Silence For My Dear Departed Wife Is Over  
KANAYA: I Will Proceed To The Climbing Roses  
  
The entire back wall of the greenhouse is coated in climbing roses of various colors. When viewed from a distance, their arrangement resembles the lesbian flag.  
  
KANAYA: Now This Is Truly A Tragedy  
KANAYA: How Can I Ever Appreciate This Lesbotic Shrine Again  
KANAYA: Now That Ive Been Widowed By The Lesbian I Once Called Mine  
  
Kanaya sniffles, and brings a manicured finger to her face to carefully flick away a single green tear.  
  
ROSE: Widowed? You wish.  
KANAYA: ’>:O  
  
Rose is standing right in front of Kanaya, snickering at her little gasp. Kanaya quickly composes herself, clearing her throat before speaking.  
  
KANAYA: Drat  
KANAYA: You Took Advantage Of My Momentary Lapse Of Attention To Sneak Up On Me  
ROSE: You were too busy preventing a smeared mascara disaster to notice your precious wife standing right in front of you?  
  
She shakes her head, sighing sadly. Now it’s Kanaya’s turn to snicker.  
  
KANAYA: Delicate Makeup Notwithstanding  
KANAYA: Do These Roses Look Alright To –  
KANAYA: Rose Why Are You Looking At Me Like That  
ROSE: Like what?  
KANAYA: Dont Be Coy  
ROSE: I’ll give you a hint.  
ROSE: Don’t you think you’re forgetting about something?  
  
It takes Kanaya a few seconds, but when she realizes, she actually flushes in embarrassment.  
  
KANAYA: Im Not Even Wearing Mascara Right Now Am I  
KANAYA: I Allowed The Purely Fictional Fear Of Ruining My Makeup To Take Over My Attention  
KANAYA: And It Had Me So Thoroughly Distracted That You Snuck Up On Me With Ease  
ROSE: And that, darling, is how you pull off a prank!  
ROSE: You might benefit from taking a few mental notes about my approach, seeing as yours is... how do I put this politely?  
ROSE: Inferior.  
KANAYA: There Is Nary A Moment When I Dont Have An Plan Stashed Up My Human Sleeve  
ROSE: (Human... sleeve?)  
KANAYA: So I Would Advise You To Watch Your Mouth  
  
The grin that spreads across Rose’s face at that line can only be described as shit-eating.  
  
ROSE: Why don’t you watch it for me?  
  
Before Kanaya can respond, the ground starts to shake violently. A earsplitting grumble reverberates throughout the greenhouse, originating from its center. Where She lives.  
  
It causes the wall of climbing roses to sway back and forth, in a way you wouldn’t expect roses to move if they were truly fixed to a wall.  
  
Luckily for Kanaya, Rose’s back is turned to the anomaly and she doesn’t notice it.   
  
Luckily for Rose, Kanaya decides that a little extra caution goes a very long way.  
  
Kanaya grabs Rose by the waist and dips her into a kiss. She reacts with surprise, then a hungry enthusiasm. Kanaya waits for the ground to stop shaking to step back, and by that point, Rose is completely distracted.  
  
KANAYA: That Was Her Most Violent Reaction To Date  
KANAYA: We Should Really Make Haste With This Inspection  
ROSE: Says the woman who just made out with me for several minutes.  
KANAYA: Hush  
  
The two of them start toward the final section of the greenhouse, hand in hand. This is the biggest area, but it houses only one plant: rosemary.  
  
The Maryam-Lalondes wanting to grow rosemary is what sparked the idea for a greenhouse in the first place. Predictably, they grew bored with traditional rosemary almost immediately, and decided to genetically modify the plant for fun. Because of this, much of the space has been taken over by diagrams, tasklists, and spiral notebooks filled with purple and green ink.  
  
KANAYA: This Area Appears Normal  
ROSE: As normal as it ever is.  
ROSE: Earlier this week, Dave deigned to inform me that “sure ok rosemary is onbrand for rose and maryam yada yada but its literally a green twig its lame as shit”  
ROSE: He seems disappointed in our choices.  
KANAYA: Like One Of Your Strict Human Parents  
ROSE: Exactly.  
ROSE: Wow, imagine Dave as a disappointed Asian dad.  
ROSE: “obamaa is that a goddamn participation ribbon”  
ROSE: “you know only first place is acceptable in this household”  
ROSE: “better ace the final tomorrow to make up for it or im selling your xbox you hear me”  
ROSE: “wait till your dad hears about this hell be pissed”  
KANAYA: I Do Not Fully Understand This Human Cultural Zeitgeist  
KANAYA: But I Do Agree That The Idea Of Dave Raising A Child Evokes Quite The Humorous Image  
KANAYA: Did You Call This Theoretical Troll Child Obamaa Just Now  
ROSE: Unfortunately, yes. Dave has joked about naming his future troll son Obamaa so many times I believe it’s starting to morph into genuine intent.  
KANAYA: Karkat Would Let Him Too  
KANAYA: He Would Put Up A Fight At First But I Know He Would Eventually Relent  
KANAYA: He Loves Dave Too Much To Deny Him His Wishes For Too Long  
KANAYA: By The Way That Was A Spot On Dave Impression  
ROSE: I’ve been around him for so long, his speech patterns have ingrained themselves into my brain. It’s more of a curse than a blessing.  
ROSE: Nonetheless, thank y–  
ROSE: Ah.  
KANAYA: Rose I Hate To Inform You But  
KANAYA: Your Human Sleeve Is On Fire  
  
A flickering flame the size of a candle appears on the tip of Rose’s sleeve, and it immediately starts spreading. Kanaya grabs a full watering can from its place on a stack of notebooks and dumps the water on the flame. It puts out the fire, but it also drenches half of Rose’s body.  
  
KANAYA: Perfect  
ROSE: Thank you, dear.  
ROSE: Give me a moment.  
  
For a moment, Kanaya can see Rose’s face flicker from mild annoyance to guilt. Then she turns her head and walks away, back toward the entrance. Next to the airlock door is a keypad, which they use to change light level and alarm times and air pressure. The kind of customization that every garden needs.   
  
However, Rose enters a combination Kanaya doesn’t recognize. She stands back, and after a few seconds, a strong wind starts blowing out of somewhere on the keypad. It turns off after thirty seconds, and when Rose turns back toward you, she’s perfectly dry again.  
  
KANAYA: Thats Very Strange  
KANAYA: I Wasnt Aware Of This High Powered Fan  
ROSE: I apologize. I should have told you about it.  
KANAYA: Why Did You Get It Installed In The First Place  
ROSE: Just in case of emergencies.  
KANAYA: Emergencies Like Catching Fire Out Of Nowhere  
KANAYA: Is This The Kind Of Highly Specific Emergency You Find It Necessary To Prepare For With Such Care  
ROSE: You can never be too prepared.  
KANAYA: Rose That Is Bullshit  
KANAYA: You Knew This Could Happen When We Built This Place  
KANAYA: You Knew That At Any Moment One Of Us Could Catch Fire While Occupying This Space  
ROSE: ...  
KANAYA: And You Never Told Me About It  
KANAYA: Maybe Because I Would Disapprove Of Keeping Her Here If I Was Aware Of Such An Extraordinarily Dangerous Side Effect  
ROSE: ...I knew beforehand that She could only set things on fire a few hours before She blooms.  
ROSE: And here we are, tending to everything right before She’s set to bloom.  
ROSE: Sure, we didn’t wake up to the alarm, and we were a little bit late, but nothing happened.  
ROSE: There was no real danger.  
KANAYA: Do You Remember When Half Our Petunias Uprooted Themselves From Their Soil And Literally Started Attacking Each Other  
KANAYA: You Didnt Seem Very Prepared For That Side Effect  
ROSE: ...  
KANAYA: Please Admit That You Dont Know What Youre Doing  
KANAYA: These Are Extremely Dangerous Things That Youre Playing With Rose  
  
Kanaya stops and looks at Rose. She’s avoiding her gaze and standing unnaturally still, clearly trying very hard to hide whatever she’s feeling.  
  
She wants to confront Rose about her behavior, but she also doesn’t want to hurt her.  
  
KANAYA: In The Future Please Just Talk To Me About These Things  
KANAYA: I Dont Want Anybody To Get Hurt  
ROSE: Of course.  
  
Her voice is curt, and she isn’t meeting Kanaya’s gaze. Kanaya sighs and decides to relent. She can’t bear to berate Rose when she’s acting like this.  
  
KANAYA: Alright Then  
KANAYA: Lets Just Go Check On Her  
  
Rose looks at Kanaya and attempts to smile, but her eyes are distant.  
  
ROSE: Yes. It’s about time we got to the point.  
  
The center of the greenhouse is marked by a steel dome, fifteen feet high and twenty feet across. The doorknob is embedded with a laser, which scans Rose’s face and then her eye. A few seconds pass, and then a muted click and the door cracks open. Rose grabs the handle and leans back, using her whole body weight to shift the door wide enough for her to shimmy through the gap.  
  
After Rose enters, Kanaya swings the door all the way open with ease to let herself inside.  
  
ROSE: Showoff.  
KANAYA: I Wouldnt Call It Showing Off  
KANAYA: I Just Dont Disgrace Myself Enough To Barely Squeeze Through A Crack When I Can Open The Door Just Fine  
  
Rose flinches, and Kanaya mentally kicks herself. She wanted to lighten the mood with their usual banter, not upset Rose.  
  
KANAYA: Rose I  
  
But she was already gone, having disappeared into the darkness of the enclosure.  
  
KANAYA: Oh Dear  
  
After a few seconds of worrying, Kanaya remembers that she has work to do. Shaking her head to clear it of any residual anxiety, Kanaya closes the door behind her, leaving the enclosure pitch black.  
  
Rose’s muffled voice pipes up from the opposite side, still carefully blank of emotion.  
  
ROSE: Turning on the black light in three, two, one.  
  
Six points of violet light click on around the enclosure’s perimeter, illuminating a monstrous silhouette in its center.  
  
A trunk several feet thick snakes through the air, culminating ten feet off the ground. The bark is lumpy and thick, occasionally shifting and creaking loudly. Branching off of the trunk are jagged leaves several feet long, weighed down by misshapen lumps growing all over them. Sometimes, Kanaya sees them writhe around, but only out of the corner of her eye.  
  
KANAYA: Hello  
KANAYA: Darling  
  
Kanaya hisses the word through her teeth, eyes scrunching up as she forces herself to smile at the creature sprawled out in front of her. Rose wants her to engage in “polite conversation” with Her. Says She would grow faster if given “a reliable source of positive feedback.”  
  
KANAYA: So How Are You Feeling This Fine Early Morning  
KANAYA: Excuse Me But Youll Have To Speak Up Over The Sound Of My Soul Shriveling Up Inside My Chest Cavity  
  
She pauses, and waits for Rose to make a snarky comment about good manners or empathetic childcare.  
  
She stays silent.  
  
KANAYA: Whats That I Hear  
KANAYA: Your Lower Leaves Keep Breaking Off Their Stems And Its Beginning To Hurt You  
KANAYA: How Strange  
KANAYA: That Shouldnt Be Happening Considering All Of The Precautions Weve Taken For You  
KANAYA: Like Installing An Airlock To Keep The Air Pressure Suitable For Your Particular Needs  
KANAYA: Keeping You Locked Up In This Secure Stronghold So You Cant Destroy Everything In One Of Your Moods  
KANAYA: And Checking On You Daily To Clean Up The Mysterious Effects You Have On The Flora You Share A Living Space With  
KANAYA: Effects I Have Still Not Been Fully Briefed On  
KANAYA: Have I Mentioned Lately How Wonderful It Is To Take Care Of You  
ROSE: That’s enough.  
  
Kanaya jumps at Rose’s harsh, cold tone.  
  
ROSE: Um, I mean...  
  
She quietly clears her throat, regaining her composure.  
  
ROSE: Thank you Kanaya. That was excellent.  
ROSE: Let’s move on.  
  
Rose’s outburst is officially the last straw for Kanaya.  
  
KANAYA: Rose I Am Sorry For My Tone But  
KANAYA: I Am Done Playing Games  
KANAYA: What Is Going On  
KANAYA: Now That Ive Confronted You About Her Youre Trying To Hide Something  
ROSE: I–  
KANAYA: Dont Try And Deny It  
KANAYA: Im Not Stupid  
ROSE: Just let me–  
KANAYA: Rose Just  
KANAYA: For Once In Your Life Please Just Talk To Me  
  
Kanaya’s throat constricts, cutting her last word short.   
  
ROSE: Are you... crying?  
KANAYA: Um  
  
Kanaya tries to regain her composure, to take a deep breath and bury her emotions back where they came from, but she’s reached her breaking point. A few jade tears roll down her face, and suddenly, a hand reaches up from the darkness to wipe them off.  
  
ROSE: I’m so sorry, Kanaya.  
ROSE: I’ve been so selfish and naïve, keeping this secret from you.  
KANAYA: What Secret  
  
Kanaya lets her skin glow brightly enough to see Rose’s face. It’s a wreck of anxiety and guilt. She breaks eye contact to look down and check her watch.  
  
ROSE: One minute until sunrise. Then you’ll finally see.  
KANAYA: Rose You Arent Explaining Yourself  
KANAYA: This Isnt The Gesture Of Honesty You Seem To Think It Is  
KANAYA: It Isnt Exactly News To Me That Youre Keeping Some Secret Or Another  
KANAYA: You Have To Tell Me What It Is  
ROSE: But I can’t explain it!  
ROSE: Partially because I’m not entirely certain what it will be?  
KANAYA: ???  
ROSE: Ten seconds.  
ROSE: If I die here, it won’t count as a just death, right?  
KANAYA: Taking Into Account How Much Danger It You Seem To Be Putting Us In  
KANAYA: It Might Be More Likely Than You Think  
ROSE: Well. I guess Earth C was nice while it lasted.  
  
On that ominous note, Rose reaches behind Kanaya and presses a dark panel on the wall that Kanaya has never noticed before.  
  
The ground starts shaking.  
  
KANAYA: Fuck  
ROSE: You better hang on tight.  
  
Rose is hovering a foot above the ground to keep her balance. Kanaya shoots her a withering look, but with no other stable objects to hold onto, she clings to her wife.  
  
The entire room is rising into the air, which seems to agitate Her. Her leaves start rolling and unrolling, flinging their strange lumps all over the place. Kanaya’s fingers brush against the lipstick in her pocket, and she readies herself to whip out her chainsaw and slice through any incoming globs.  
  
But before any damage can be done, a single pinprick of soft light falls from the ceiling, and She freezes in place. The room has stopped rising, and for a moment, everything stands still.   
  
Gradually, the pinprick begins to grow, dowsing one leaf and then two leaves and then the whole plant in light. Kanaya realizes the roof is opening up, sides falling away and leaving the plant fully exposed to the new sunrise.  
  
And rather than shriveling, exploding, or catching fire, She begins to transform.  
  
Her trunk starts to move, weaving about in the air. The movement causes the trunk’s thick bark to burst, revealing a layer of light blue moss coating the trunk underneath. The trunk settles into a spiral shape, and then a sizzling sound fills the air. Each of the leaves blacken and shrivel, and the strange growths slide off the leaves and plummet towards the floor. As each glob hits the floor, it bursts into a brightly colored powder. This powder lazily drifts back into the air, colliding with the leaves and reviving them. The bright colors of the powder bloom over them, chasing the blackness away, and soon every leaf is dyed a different neon shade.  
  
The transformation barely lasts a minute, but it feels like hours to an astounded Kanaya. When the plant is finished transforming she turns to Rose in excitement, but finds only overwhelming guilt in her downturned eyes.  
  
ROSE: Well. This is it. Your Christmas present.  
ROSE: I thought you would enjoy the colors, being an Alternian goth and all.  
ROSE: Then again, I wasn’t told exactly what the final product would look like by my vendor, so it was more of a shot in the dark that it would end up appealing to you.  
ROSE: It seems almost... impersonal, in hindsight.  
ROSE: I’m sorry.  
KANAYA: Rose I Love Her  
ROSE: Wh – really?  
KANAYA: Of Course I Do Silly  
KANAYA: How Could I Not Shes Perfect  
ROSE: But I...  
ROSE: I lied to you, Kanaya. So much.  
KANAYA: That Doesnt Mean I Am Going To Turn Down This Gift Rose  
KANAYA: I Am Very Grateful For It  
  
Rose is squinting and looking at you very carefully, looking for any hint of insincerity in your eyes. She seems to find none, because a smile begins tugging at her lips.  
  
KANAYA: Dont Get Me Wrong You Made A Lot Of Mistakes With This  
KANAYA: It Was Unnecessary To Keep This Project So Secretive And Lie To Me So Much  
KANAYA: But That Doesnt Mean Its Evil Or Inexcusable Behavior  
ROSE: Why not?  
KANAYA: Because Of How Far Youve Come  
KANAYA: I Know Youre Trying Your Best To Improve On These Fronts  
KANAYA: Dont Think I Havent Noticed  
ROSE: Noticed?  
KANAYA: Like How Every Now And Then Youll Tell Me Some Tidbit About Your Life That Nobody Else Knows  
KANAYA: I Assume That Is A Tactic You Employ To Prevent Yourself From Feeling Isolated –   
ROSE: And to keep myself humble?  
KANAYA: Yes Exactly  
ROSE: You’re completely right.  
ROSE: It is immensely comforting to know that the... way I was raised doesn’t make me, well.  
ROSE: Alien to all of my friends?  
ROSE: Fuck, that was clumsily worded.  
KANAYA: No I Think I Understand  
KANAYA: The Environment You Were Raised In Was Uniquely Awful  
KANAYA: And You Are Afraid That The Time You Spent There Shaped You To Be Utterly Unrelatable To Others  
KANAYA: To Be Completely Isolated In Your Thoughts And Experiences  
KANAYA: I Often Feel A Similar Way  
KANAYA: Growing Up As A Diurnal Troll With Contrasting Interests From Most Of My Friends  
  
Rose’s eyes widen in awe.  
  
ROSE: That’s... yes, exactly!  
ROSE: See, this is why I tell you random things about myself so much. You always relate to my experiences, and it’s so reassuring.  
KANAYA: This Is A Perfect Example Of Your Improvement  
KANAYA: I Can Tell That Its Difficult For You To Be Sincere But You Keep Making Such An Honest Effort  
KANAYA: And I Really Appreciate It  
KANAYA: From The Bottom Of My Heart  
  
Rose’s face opens up into a blinding grin as she gives Kanaya a tight hug. Kanaya wraps her arms around Rose’s shoulders and rocks her back and forth.  
  
ROSE: I love you, dear.  
KANAYA: I Love You Too  
  
After a few minutes, the two separate, still smiling.  
  
ROSE: Not to get right back into that conversation, but just so you know, I kind of did have to keep Her secret from you.  
ROSE: This greenhouse is the only place suitable to grow a plant of such high-maintenance that we’ll be able to see and enjoy often.  
ROSE: If I asked Jade to build a different place, you would have noticed it for sure.  
ROSE: The only option left was to grow Her here and pass Her off as one of my usual over-the-top projects.  
KANAYA: Yes But You Decided To Keep Her Right In The Middle Of The Greenhouse Where I Can See Her  
ROSE: What, are you implying there’s somewhere in the greenhouse I could have kept an enormous plant that you wouldn’t have noticed?  
  
The grin that spreads across Kanaya’s face at that question can only be described as shit-eating.  
  
KANAYA: You Know I Havent Actually Given You Your Christmas Gift Yet  
KANAYA: Now Seems Like As Good A Time As Any  
ROSE: Holy shit. No way.  
KANAYA: Okay  
KANAYA: But Have You Considered  
KANAYA: Yes Way  
ROSE: Where is it??  
  
Kanaya spreads her arms wide, gesturing to the entire greenhouse, and then shrugs. Rose, incredulous, whips her head around to examine every nook and cranny of the place.  
  
ROSE: Could it be inside the rows of flower boxes? No, that space is too cramped, plus it’s probably filled with soil.  
ROSE: I can’t imagine you hid something under the floor. A plant can’t grow without sunlight.  
ROSE: Uh, over there are just the lesbian climbing roses. There’s no room to hide anything over th–  
  
Rose freezes. Realization dawns over her face.  
  
ROSE: Unless you hid it...  
KANAYA: ’>:)  
  
Rose leaps off the raised platform, shooting toward the back wall. Kanaya follows close behind, dropping off the platform’s edge and walking over as Rose ogles the wall.  
  
Slowly, she lifts a hand and reaches out, but instead of stopping to touch a lesbian rose she plunges her hand right into the wall. Her arm goes in elbow-deep.  
  
ROSE: No fucking way.  
KANAYA: ’>:D  
  
Rose reverently parts the flowers like a curtain, revealing a hidden room in the back of the greenhouse.  
  
ROSE: This is insane.  
KANAYA: On An Unrelated Note   
KANAYA: Do You Remember Earlier When We Were Standing Right Here And The Greenhouse Was Shaking Violently  
KANAYA: These Roses Were Swaying Around Suspisciously Just Then  
KANAYA: Strange That You Didnt Notice Anything  
  
Rose blushes. Hard.  
  
ROSE: Oh. Wow.  
ROSE: I guess your distraction technique worked quite well, didn’t it?  
KANAYA: It Will Take You Years To Recover From This Blow On Your Pranksters Gambit  
ROSE: Yes, I suppose I must concede as much.  
ROSE: But mark your words, I will find a way to one-up this.  
KANAYA: Then I Wish You Good Luck  
KANAYA: Because You Sorely Need It  
  
The two of them laugh.  
  
KANAYA: Now Would You Like To See Your Gift Or Are We Going To Keep Dawdling Out Here Instead  
ROSE: Oh, right. Let’s go in.  
  
Rose steps inside, and gasps in delight. The small side-room of the greenhouse is housing a large wisteria tree with indigo flowers. The sun is rising right behind it, casting a halo of golden light around the tree.  
  
ROSE: Oh my god. It’s beautiful.  
KANAYA: Is This Earth Goth Enough For You  
ROSE: Absolutely!  
KANAYA: This Isnt Even The Best Part  
KANAYA: Let Me Take You Inside  
  
Kanaya takes Rose’s hand and leads her towards the tree. Its branches just barely graze the floor, creating a space right underneath the tree that’s completely enveloped in flowers. When Rose gets a proper look at the interior, her eyes light up.  
  
ROSE: This place is incredible.  
ROSE: The light of the sunrise shining through these dark flowers makes for a calm, yet haunting atmosphere.  
ROSE: And that spot by the tree, where the roots left a human-shaped hollow. It looks like the perfect place to sit and read.  
KANAYA: Perhaps Even To Read Aloud  
ROSE: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  
  
Kanaya pulls an old phone and Complacency of the Learned out of her sylladex, giving Rose a smirk.  
  
KANAYA: Actually Im Several Steps Ahead Of You  
ROSE: This is perfect.  
ROSE: We have to record the first episode of our Let’s Read immediately, while the sun is still rising.  
ROSE: And while that old phone is still working at all so it can bestow its nostalgic low-quality video upon us.  
ROSE: Thank you for remembering to bring that, by the way. It’s a fantastic touch.  
KANAYA: Of Course Darling  
  
The light shining through the wisteria flowers is getting brighter and brighter as the two speak, but it’s still nothing compared to the light in Rose’s eyes as she smiles at Kanaya.  
  
The two arrange themselves in optimal recording positions, with Rose nestled in the roots and Kanaya perched on top of them. As Kanaya holds up her phone and prepares to record, she takes a moment to stare lovingly at Rose. She looks completely in her element, tossing dead leaves on her lap and messing with her skirt to look as disheveled as possible. Anything for the aesthetic, of course.  
  
ROSE: I’m ready to st–  
ROSE:   
KANAYA: I Apologize  
KANAYA: I Believe I Was Staring Just Now  
ROSE: No, it’s... I don’t mind.  
KANAYA: Youre Blushing  
ROSE: That is not a relevant detail in this situation.  
KANAYA: Sure It Isnt  
KANAYA: You Know What Im Coming Over  
  
Kanaya crawls over to Rose and holds her by the back of her head, giving her a gentle kiss. She melts into it, draping her arms over Kanaya’s shoulders and leaning in. They stay there for a long time.  
  
When they break, Rose playfully shoves Kanaya’s shoulder.  
  
ROSE: Kanaya, we’re wasting valuable recording time!  
KANAYA: Youre Absolutely Right  
KANAYA: Guess I Will Have To Go Sit Several Feet Away From You For Half An Hour While We Record Then  
ROSE: ...well the sunrise will be just as pretty tomorrow, right?  
KANAYA: Thats What I Thought Youd Say  
KANAYA: You Dumb Fucking Lesbian  
  
Rose actually cackles at that line, which causes Kanaya to let out an unflattering snort. After that, the two can’t stop laughing at all, holding their stomachs and struggling to breathe as they lay tangled together on the ground. Rose actually starts crying and gets snot all over her face, shattering any possible hope of recording that day. Kanaya feels thorns from the tree roots dig into her leg and side, getting blood all over her new winter attire. They’re a total mess.  
  
Kanaya has never been happier.  
  



End file.
